Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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