Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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