don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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