I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You dont lie about slip and slides
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
