Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
