Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
