In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
