I want to make a zoo with you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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