Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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