Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
