I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
