I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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