he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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