After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
