I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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