my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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