I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
