Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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