nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize