I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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