it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
