I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
