New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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