I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
