walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
