tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
