I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
