Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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