guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
