next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
