oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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