I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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