I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
