I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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