I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
