we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
