Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
