Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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