6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
