I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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