Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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