i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
