I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
