Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
