Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
