2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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