No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
