you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize