I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just had sex bonerless
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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