i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
