So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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