Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
PANTIES FOUND
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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