there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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