when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
