Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
