A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
