I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
