During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
