I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
