stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
