you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why do cheetos always look like penises
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
