he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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