Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
