My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize