I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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