My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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