i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
